Being a working mom seems to come with 5 additional titles these days. I've always known I wanted to be a mom, so the idea of sharing my career with raising children was never a surprise to me. I've even been able to relish it, both jobs feeling like welcomed breaks in the day and forced shut off times. In short, I think I've done a pretty good job at living a balanced life. But when covid came around all of my well-oiled rituals and routines went out the window.
Stress moments became stressful hours, and the fact that I couldn't escape it started to weigh down on me more than I can ever remember. I don't consider myself an anxious person at all either! I used to tell myself that stress doesn't exist, and that I could only be anxious if I allowed myself to be. But the reality of the pandemic, teaching my kids at home, trying to stay online for work, maintaining a house, and god forbid actually doing my work has been more than I can handle.
I first tried hemp as an experiment after going to my therapist. She offered to prescribe me an SSRI, but I didn't want to go there immediately. Anything that I was going to put into my body had to be non-addictive, easy to stop taking, and natural. I'm also not a fan of melatonin or beta blockers because of those reasons.
I was so excited to find a company that relies on science - I had no idea what a steady state was, or how to find my right dose before reading up on the Discovery Pack. I've tried other hemp/CBD before, so it was important to me that I could try something inexpensively before committing. At $25 with an initial discount it felt like a no brainer. While the 10mg gave me a slight feeling of calm, I found that the 50mg capsule is what's best for me. Some days I'll take the 25mg if I'm feeling like I need less, because I'm always trying to get to the place where I'm not taking anything. But it's so good to know that I have a tool if I need it.
What I found with hemp wasn't an immediate fix, or a perfect solution to the day's craziness, but rather a deleting of the underlying fear of not having it all together. My anxiety is a physical feeling that rears its head when I am afraid of not being able to do it all. The stress of trying to keep it all together kept me from finding small moments of calm - and I needed to be able to do this. After all, this whole thing is a marathon, not a sprint. I'm happy that I've found something that is simple, and works, and is helping me feel like myself again.